Ive experienced a few strange things lately. maybe this goes along with wat an old indian man told me.. he told me: "one day youll be able to bring the biggest man down without having to lay one finger on him, and in your adult days youll have questions about life that not even a grown adult can answer." i was about 9 yrs old wen this happened. @ that age i thought wat does that guy mean?!.. now i wonder, im 27 goin to be 28 yrs old, and am having a tough time spiritual wise. I had my mom come up to me yesterday and say to me she thinks im manic depressive. But coming from her whose on and off heroine i thought is she right? i argued with myself many times trying to figure wat is wrong, why am i so stressed all the time, wats the cause? why am i afraid for no reason at all? ive always been the risk taker and not afraid of anything, why now? I dont go far from home cause i feel scared. THis struggle contains me from being me. i AT TIMES feel like im not even here in reality. I look in the mirror and its almost as if i dont recognize myself. its scary at times. i dont want to be this way AT ALL!! i was listening to kirks music and i started to cry. i prayed last nite and cryed. i asked god to save me. help me from this. its almost as if i feel like im an outcast to the world. its weird, i wonder if anyone out there has felt this?! its effecting my life so much. i then start wondering if its my moms presence in my house hold. her spirits or something because she does heroine. i also have recently broken a chain with bondage with a female. about 8 mo. ago. Im currently wit a man, but its hard to see him because of this anxiety afraidness in my life. how can i overcome this?? it feels nice to talk about it, even threw typing. theres so many things i want/need to accomplish for my daughter and lil bro i have custody of. I manage to be ok when i really have to but not really. it causes me to physically feel sick. i have aches and pains, and its just to consuming now. i dont like the way i feel. i KNOW the lord will help me... but its so hard to fight my mind and feelings that i feel. tryn 2 be righteous!!